Friendly Advice
by detectivejigsaw
Summary: Ford finds out about one of the family's less pleasant adventures of the summer, and he is not amused. Protective Grunkle Ford at his finest. And first time trying to write Li'l Gideon; please be nice.


**Based on a beautiful post by Artsymeeshee; I read this one comic she drew up and just had to expand on it.**

**Bon appetit.**

* * *

"...And here's the giant Gideon-bot that Dipper beat up to save me!" Mabel chirped happily, indicating the photo in her scrapbook to her Grunkle Ford.

Dipper frowned at her in bewilderment from Ford's other side. "How did you find the time to take a picture of that?"

"You don't know everything about me," she retorted with a smug smile.

Currently their other grunkle was with Soos in the gift shop, refreshing his memory on the routine he used to show customers the tacky displays and cheesy merchandise (the handyman had been more than happy to help him with this part, since he knew it better than even the kids). Until he got back, Dipper and Mabel had decided to show Ford some of their favorite memories of the summer, using both the scrapbook and Dipper's additions to Journal 3 (by some miracle he had discovered all three journals lying in the woods, completely intact) and brainstorm which things would be best to show Stan.

Ford looked at the picture of the giant chubby robot (taken from an unusual angle, as if the photographer had been in its hand or something) and asked, "Why did he have a giant robot?"

"It was part of his elaborate scheme to steal the Mystery Shack-again." Dipper sighed. "And that time he pretty much succeeded. He stole the deed, and rubbed it in our faces, and then when he found out I had the journal he stole it from me too." He frowned; even though now that whole situation felt like small potatoes compared to surviving the apocalypse, he still hated remembering how defeated he'd felt when Gideon accused him of being nothing without the journal.

"Yeah," Mabel murmured, more solemn than usual. "Poor Grunkle Stan. Before then I'd never seen him so sad."

"Well yeah," Dipper pointed out, "he lost everything."

His and Mabel's eyes widened with realization simultaneously. "Including the portal, and any chance of saving-"

Again in unison, their heads turned upwards towards their grunkle. Who was now sitting perfectly still, and staring down at the scrapbook clenched very, very tightly between his hands.

"Kids," he said in a tone that was eerily, eerily calm, "which way does this _Gideon_ live, exactly?"

Mabel silently (for once) pointed in the direction of the Gleeful household.

"Thank you. On an unrelated note, I have a quick..._errand_ I need to run. I will be back for dinner."

And before they'd had time to blink he had placed the scrapbook back in Mabel's hands and headed for the door, leaving the twins staring after him, speechless.

* * *

It wasn't a long walk, even if you didn't have long legs and hadn't spent the last thirty years constantly traveling. Before long a six-fingered hand was pounding on the door, glad that the house had been easy to find due to the enormous billboard in front.

A large man who looked almost as much like a hairless gopher as Soos opened it, and blinked down at him in confusion.

"What can I-"

"I would like to speak to Gideon." As an afterthought, Ford added a "please" that sounded about as sincere as Stan's tax forms.

The man-presumably Gideon's father-stuttered a little, but something about Ford's expression must have been enough for him to say, "He's in the park with some o' his new friends, I don't know when they'll be-"

Ford was already striding away down the concrete walk.

* * *

Soon enough, he reached the aforementioned park, and found Gideon on one of the swings, being pushed by a large man with pale, unnatural eyes and 'criminal' written all over him. Possibly literally; he looked like the kind of man to have that tattooed on his chest.

As Ford approached, the little ventriloquist dummy asked to get off, and started for the seesaw, brushing sawdust off his baby blue suit coat as he did. He turned his head to make sure there was none on his sleeve, and as he did he caught a glimpse of Ford.

"Well, well, if it isn't the _real _Stanford Pines!" he twanged with a giggle. "I must say, I wasn't expectin'-yiii!"

Interesting; being grabbed by the shirtfront and hoisted into the air caused him to emit a noise that sounded a bit like a distressed chihuahua, or like the octopus/pig warriors Ford had met in that one part of the multiverse.

"Hey, let go of him!" the large man with ghostly eyes roared, charging at them-but froze when without even looking at him Ford pressed a gun directly into his chest. Then he began to speak, still in that eerily calm voice.

"I have been informed that you stole the Shack from my brother earlier this summer, and threw him and the rest of my family out in the street."

Gideon stuttered, clearly trying to come up with some form of excuse; Ford continued speaking over him.

"I also heard that you tried to murder my nephew, and made unwanted advances towards my niece on multiple occasions before trying to kill her too, and that you're the one who summoned Bill Cipher back into our world."

"Y-yes, and I learned my lesson!" the boy squawked. "I ain't gonna harass Mabel no more, 'cause I learned I can't make her love me, Dipper talked to me about this already, I'm sorry, _please don't kill me_!"

He shut his eyes with a terrified whimper.

After about twenty seconds of nothing happening, he opened them a crack.

Ford continued as if he hadn't been interrupted. "This will not happen again. Ever. You will not try to take my brother's livelihood, or harm either of the children, or toy with forces you don't understand."

"No sir, I won't!" His little piggy eyes were forced to face Ford's unrelenting stare.

"Consider this your _final_ warning." And Gideon was half-lowered, half-dropped to the ground, before Dr. Pines strode back towards home.

* * *

**It's his final warning because Dipper and Mabel have already given him several others.**


End file.
